Chapter 8: Saturday Night

Chapter 8 - Saturday night

It’s just starting to get dark as we pull off of the highway into a small, sleepy little town. It seems like one of those places that would’ve been bustling back in the day, when the main stream of traffic went right down the middle of town. Now that there’s a highway that bypasses it, it’s become a bit of a desolate shell. Surprisingly it has a Walmart, which we pull up to and park.

I’ve settled into a state of numbness. About an hour into our journey I realised I had been muttering my mantra out loud. When I was calm enough I stopped by crazy chanting, and since then I’ve been staring out the window, watching the dusty, sprawling desert rush past. Every now and then I would feel Edward glance across at me. I don’t know that worries him more, my chanting or my silence. Regardless, he kept going, and I’m glad I have him to get me out of there.  

I’m so tired. I can’t sleep in cars though, so I’ve been awake the whole time. We’ve only been driving for a couple of hours. I have no idea where we are. I turn to look at Edward as he turns off the car, my movements slow and lethargic.

The emotion in his eyes is startling. He looks so torn, so anguished. His green eyes are light and watery, and he looks so tired.

“I’m sorry, Edward.” I can’t help but apologise. He’s done so much for me, gone so far out of his way. And now, I can’t help but hate that I’m the reason he looks like that, I’m the reason he’s so upset. However, I think I just made it worse.

“Bella,” His voice it so deep, so expressive. “There is nothing for you to be sorry for. I would do it all again in a heartbeat if it meant keep you safe.” I shoot him a watery smile before forcing out a deep breath. I’m tired of crying, of becoming a victim of too many emotions. I want to do something productive.

“Where are we?”

“In a small town called Blythe. I figure we may as well stop for the night. Get a good nights sleep. Recharge. Is that ok?” I nod and look out at the seemingly empty store in front of us. “I’m going to run in and grab some necessities for you. Some clothes and stuff. Do you...do you want to come in? Or do you want to wait here?”

My instincts tell me to stay put. The car is safe. The plush, leather interior is comfy and smells like a combination of air freshener and Edward. But another side of me is tired of always sitting on the sidelines. I want to do something new, something that I wouldn’t usually do. Something...normal.

And I don’t want to be away from Edward for any longer than I have to.

“I’ll come in with you.” Edward looks a little surprised, but his smile is so big I know it’s a good surprised. He scrambles to open his door and, as I reach for mine, he stops me.

“Wait there, I’ll open your door for you.” Before I have time to object his door shuts and he’s jogging around the front of the car. My door opens and there he stands, his hand outstretched towards me, and small quirky smile on his face. I don’t hesitate. I grab his hand and climb out of my sanctuary, into the arms of my oasis.

I can feel myself tensing up as we approach the door. Everything seems so harsh and foreign. The sharp, blueish-white tinge of the florescent lights, the stark whiteness of the linoleum floor. I almost jump when the automatic doors slide open as we reach them. The store seems to go on for miles, stretching out in a sea of racks and shelves. I feel that as soon as I step foot inside, I’ll be lost forever.

Trying to dispel the panic I tug Edward to a stop. He turns to me quizzingly, and I take a deep breath.

“Just...don’t let me go.” I whisper, unable to look away from his captivating eyes. Silently he raises our hands between us, before carefully threading our fingers together, tight and secure. When he lowers them he move right up next to me, almost curling round my shoulder. Our forearms are touching from elbow to wrist and my arm sits between his arm and his body, his arm coming from behind to nestle against me in the same way.

“I wouldn’t dream of it, Beautiful.” I let out one last, cleansing breath before charging forward, ready to meet the challenge of Walmart head on.

~~~~~~~~~~~~

We hit the clothes first, me picking out four identical scoop necked t-shirts in different colors, one of them blue at Edwards insistence (to which I am utterly confused by). He insists on buying me a warm jersey, which he says I’ll need as we go further north. I grab two pairs of identical jeans, a set of pajamas and a 10 pack of simple, cotton underwear, to which Edward simple remains silent next to me, a slight pink tinge to his cheeks. His behaviour, again, confuses me. Doesn’t everyone wear underwear?

I skip shoes, under the pretense that I’ll be fine with one pair for now. Edward leads me to the toiletries section, to grab shampoo, body wash and a toothbrush. Luckily they have the same brands as Mother normally buys me, so I’ll have something familiar.

By the time we’re ready to hit the checkout I’ve moved past nervous and hit tired. My feet are dragging, my eyes are drooping, and I'm leaning on Edward like he’s a crutch. Even so, I practically spring awake again as we walk down an aisle towards the front of the store. I can’t help but freeze in place, mouth dropping open in amazement.

On either side of me are shelves and shelves of notebooks. I’ve only ever had the ones Mother buys me, regular and cheap with thin pages. Looking around me I can see so many different types. There are big, thick, rectangular ones with hard covers and thick, fancy pages, or cute small ones that could fit in your pocket. They come in different colors and shapes, different thicknesses and types of paper. I feel like I’ve died and gone to heaven.

I hear Edward chuckle. He’s smiling at me.

“Take a look around, pick out whatever you like.” My eyes practically bug out of my head.

“Any of them?” I say in astonishment. He’s got to be joking, but he nods in approval.

“Any of them.”

With that I spin around. I can’t help but gently run my hands over the covers. For about 10 minutes I diligently inspect each one that catches my eye, check for anything from weight to page thickness to cover strength. Edward trails along with me the whole time, leaving me to my investigation.

However, as I go along nothing seems to fit. There’s always something slightly wrong. I know I’ll find the right one, the one I’m comfortable with soon. I can feel it. I also think back to my last notebook, which at this moment is probably sitting in one of Mothers draws, locked up tight. I didn’t bother to tell Edward there was one more when we were leaving. I knew it would be unreachable.

Just when I think I’m never going to find it, my fingertips brush against a soft but firm cover, perched on a shelf just out of my vision. I know this is the one as soon as my fingers touch it. It sends tingles up my arm and I shiver in anticipation as I quickly pull it down.

It’s perfect.

The cover is a deep, bright shade of green that I know, without checking, is almost the exact same shade as Edwards eyes. The cover is hard, but the notebook is still light enough for me to carry comfortably. It’s about the same size as my old one, but more importantly it has beautiful, thick, elegantly ruler pages.

“This is the one.” I whisper to myself. Edward hums in agreement, his arms encircling me to hold me from behind, looking over my shoulder. He leans down to whisper in my ear.

“It’s perfect, Beautiful.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~

It’s only just hitting 8 o’clock at night, but both of us are exhausted. Edward gets drive through McDonalds (a burger for him, a salad for me) and we head to the only motel in town. My mind is so foggy that I barely notice anything, I just drift. Edward darts out to get us a room, and then ushers me into a small, slightly shabby, but still clean unit. First off we perch at the dinner table and scarf our food, both ravenous from the long day. As I take in the much needed nutrients, I look around. There’s a small kitchenette, a two seater table, and an old television set. There’s three doors. I presume one is the bathroom and the others are bedrooms. When we’re finished Edward gets too his feet.

“You can have this bedroom” he says, opening the door a bit so I can see into the sparse room, holding a double bed and a nightstand. I have my own room. That’s good, I think. “I’ll take the other. You can have first shower as well.” I nod, too tired to object, and stumble into bathroom, squinting at the bright light. I rush through my shower, yearning to be able to fall into bed and go to sleep. I studiously avoid looking in the mirror, not wanting to deal with too many emotions right now. When I emerge I pull nervously at the bottom of my pale blue, short pajama shorts. They only had summer pajamas, seeing as we’re practically in the middle of the desert, so the shorts only come to mid thigh and the sleeves only just over my shoulder.

I look up when I hear Edward make a weird noise. He’s standing by the bedroom doors, frozen in place, his mouth falling open a bit. Surprisingly, he isn’t looking at my face. Instead his eyes are firmly settled on my legs.

I have a strange feeling in the pit of my stomach, a bubbling, churning mass that burns and tingles. I can feel it everywhere, spreading throughout my body. It’s weird, I’ve never felt it before. My cheeks blush, but it doesn’t stop there. The redness spreads down my neck and seems to settle on my chest. Edward’s still staring at me, and I shuffle from foot to foot, starting to feel nervous at his intense scrutiny. His eyes snap up to my face, and for the first time he can’t meet my gaze. Instead he looks around the room and I see his cheeks begin to pool with blush, matching mine.

“Oh...umm...the, ah, the pajamas fit nicely then.” Edward clears his throat and scratches the back of his neck. “Umm, I’ll just...go have a shower.” I nod and make my way towards the bedroom he pointed out previously as Edward grabs his duffle bag. As I hear the bathroom door close behind me, I breath and let out a giggle. I don’t know what these new feelings are that Edward inflicts on me, but I like them. I don’t want them to stop.

While Edward’s in the shower I carefully fold my clothes into two perfect piles, one for clean, one for dirty, then go around to the right side of the double bed. As I peel back the covers, I can’t help but smile. The sight of the fresh, clean sheets makes me happy. I climb in carefully and lean against the headboard, smoothing out the covers with the palms of my hands. Now that I’m here, that I’ve taken a moment it sit and think, everything seems so much bigger, so scary and unknown. I’m sitting in an unknown room, in an unknown bed, and at this point in time everything seems impossible. The idea of moving across the country, with a person I’ve known for less than a week, sounds insane.

I can’t help but stare at my hands and fidget. Although I’ve been awake for close to 36 hours now, my mind is suddenly active and going into hyperdrive. I lose focus and suddenly all I can see it the ugly, green checkered pattern of the bedspread.

“Bella?”

Edward is standing in the doorway. I had been in such a daze that I hadn’t registered when the shower turned off. His hair is wet, looking darker and more ordered than it usually is. He’s dressed in a fitting grey t-shirt, and for the first time I can see that he has muscles. Not overly large ones, but well defined and present all the same. He’s wearing a pair of dark blue doctors scrubs that look loose and comfortable. He shifts from leg to leg, a little awkwardly.

“Are you ok?”

I shallow. How do I answer that? On one level I’m fine. I’m away from Mother, I’m with Edward. There’s nothing else I could ask for. But on another level there so much confusion, so much uncertainty in my future that it’s almost suffocating. My usually straight path has suddenly gone wonky, and I don’t know if I’m going to be able to follow it, or if I’m going to fall off the side.

But for now, I can’t seem to convince myself to admit any of this. So I nod. And stay silent. Edward reaches for my door knob and starts to pull my door closed.

“I’ll be right next door if you need anything. Ok?” Again all I can do is nod. “Goodnight Bella. Sweet dreams.” This I can reply to.

“Sweet dreams, Edward.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~

I can’t sleep.

I’m lying on my back, staring at the ugly mottled ceiling and I can’t sleep. There’s a leaky faucet somewhere. I can faintly hear it dripping. Every now and then a car drives past outside and the room is washed in the ugly yellow glare from the headlights. I never thought something so small as the dimensions of a room could get to me. In my bedroom, now my old bedroom, the bed is in the exact center of the room. Here it’s closer to the window, it’s off center. Everything looks different. The shadow are different, the general feel of the air, the smell is different.

I don’t like it.

I try thinking of Edward. That’s been working well for the past week or so. I take a deep breath and try to visualise his face, his green eyes sparking to match his crooked smile, his Crazy-Hair falling into his eyes. I try to remember the sound of his laugh, the deep rumbling that starts in his chest and erupts outwards. I try to remember the feeling of his arms around me, holding me tightly against his chest, which I now know looks as solid as it feels.

It’s not enough.

The urge to go to him is so strong. I want to curl up in his warm embrace, the embrace that makes me feel like no one can hurt me, that everything is ok. I fight it, locking my limbs in place and refusing to move. I will myself to relax, to try and rest, but as soon as my mind begins to wander, my limbs unlock and I automatically starting climbing out of bed. I can’t explain it, I just go with it.

I hesitate outside his door. Do I knock? Is he already asleep? Will he be mad at me for waking him? He said he was next door if I needed him, which seems to indicate he would be ok with me waking him, but still I’m unsure. I think I’ll just go in. I hesitantly turn the doorknob and push the door open. It takes a second for my eyes to adjust, and when they do I can see that this room is small, much smaller than my own. It gives me a funny feeling to know he gave me the biggest room. Over on the far wall, by the window, is a narrow single bed which Edward is sleeping soundly in.

I’m across the room before I realise, and I can’t help but smile as I look down at him. His face is so peaceful in sleep, none of the strain or worry that was present today. He’s on his back, his face turned towards me and his arm laying across his stomach.

His bare stomach.

He’s shirtless, his grey shirt balled up on the chair next to his bed with his duffle bag. There’s a big difference between knowing the muscles are there, and actually seeing them. His pectorals are very defined, with groves around the highly formed muscles highlighting the strength and power of them. His arm and the top of the bedsheet hide most of him stomach, but I can see the edge of a six pack peeking out.

That feeling is back. The bubbling, churning warmth and spreads from the pit of my stomach to my limbs. I’m blushing and I don’t know why. It’s a strange sensation, but not entirely unpleasant.

My hand seems to move automatically as it reaches out to run through his hair, still slightly damp from the shower. It’s so soft and thick. Edward shifts and groans, causing me to jerk my hand back. I leave it hanging in the space between us, unsure but wanting.

Edward’s eyes open.

“Bella?” His voice is groggy with sleep and he rubs his hand across his eyes. “What are you doing? Are you ok?” As he comes to his senses more, he looks up at me in question. My mouth drops open but I don’t know what to say. I go for the easiest.

“I...I couldn’t sleep.”

“Why?” I blush, but I answer as truthfully as I can.

“I missed you.”

That crooked smile, it’s so much better in person, so much better than my imagination. I smile back, already feeling relaxed and sleepy. Without hesitation, Edward pulls back the cover and bed sheet, and grabs my hand that is still hovering in the space between us.

“Come here” Edward whispers. It’s so easy to climb into bed with him. He draws the covers up over us. We lay side to side, facing each other, pressed up against each other in this small bed. We’re looking each other directly in the eyes. It’s like he’s searching for a sign, making sure that this is ok. It is. It’s perfect. So I show him, I wrap one arm around his waist and tuck the other under me, burrowing my head into his chest. This is where I’m most comfortable, where I feel safe and secure. Edwards arm wraps around me and he nuzzles into my hair. I sigh happily. I can feel Edward’s hand gently stroking my hair down my back. It’s the best feeling in the world. He starts to hum quietly in the ear, a sweet, light tune.

I’m asleep in seconds

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